New York, New York

I know people want to know what was up with the whole NYC thing - Let me have a couple of days to process, maybe I'll talk about it next week. In the meantime, I'l be spending the weekend at the Beale Street Music Festival chasing down musicians to try and interview them. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it...

Carry On.

Best. Lyric. Ever

Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?

My New Favorite Site

www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

Highly recommended readin'

No, Sally, I guess there is no limit to the number of letters there can be in a web address...

Another One Bites The Dust

Xander enters rehab!

Come on now, Nicky! There is life after Buffy! And you were really great in Psycho Beach Party!

Leviticus Laws - Still Relevant?

Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice
to people who call in to her radio show. On her radio show recently,
she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned
under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter
to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the
Internet. It's funny, as well as thought-provoking.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a
fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The
problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take
offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do
it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if
I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.

Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair,
like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Homer Simpson-Caldwell

On Hiatus

Going to NYC for a few - See ya Thursday...

The Miraculous Winking Jesus

Go here to see if you are saved...

I Bet Kudrow Feels Left Out

From The Smoking Gun:

Just in time for the final three episodes of "Friends," a California appeals court this week reinstated a harassment claim brought by a woman who worked on the hit show as a writer's assistant and claimed that she was subjected to an array of racial and sexual harassment, including enduring sexually explicit comments about the program's female stars. The court decision in favor of plaintiff Amaani Lyle, who worked for "Friends" during 1999, noted that, in depositions, writers and producers acknowledged the use of "sexually coarse, vulgar, and demeaning language in the workplace." But that behavior, the "Friends" crew claimed, was a necessary part of the creative process and helped the show's writing staff to develop better scripts. But that might not explain the crude comments that some writers allegedly directed at "Friends" stars like Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, and David Schwimmer, according to a declaration sworn by Lyle and filed in Los Angeles Superior Court. As seen in the court papers, Cox's fertility and love life, Schwimmer's sexual preference, and Aniston's availability were openly discussed in the "Friends" writer's room, according to Lyle. Not to mention how several writers spoke of their secret desire to turn the character Joey (played by Matt LeBlanc) into a serial rapist, discussing "full scenes of how he would rape the women."

Too Funny!

Coca Cola Mediums

So Coke is coming out with a new low-carb-cola. I thought they already had one, it's called Diet Coke. I guess it supposed to be somewhere in-between diet and regular, like Marlboro Mediums.

Donnie Darko Gets Second Chance

The director's cut of the cult classic Donnie Darko will be re-released this summer in theaters. I saw this film on DVD and even after watching the extra scenes and director's commentary, I still had to go online to research what the hell it was about. I still loved it though. Can't wait to see the new version.

Are Taxpayers Funding Republican Propaganda?

Yes, I am biased. I don't like Bush. Full disclosure.

Now, if you are still interested, I thought there was a very interesting article in the Memphis Flyer today about Bush flat out breaking the law. Several instances of it actually.

After reading the article, I was enticed to learn more about the $700 million dollars of post 9/11 emergency funds that may have been used to prepare for the war in Iraq. I came across this article which then led me to this artlcle, that basically says the White House's rush to war with Iraq featured some of the same power abuses and even the same personnel as the Iran-Contra scandal. But this time the effort to evade checks and balances came from the top.

Presidents have been impeached for lesser sins...

Media Conspiracy

Often when I tell someone that I work in tv news they feel the need to tell me why they don't watch it or why they don't trust it. They go into their theories about how we pick and choose what we are going to cover and the conspiracy behind it all. If only we had the time in the day to weave intricately biased stories that served our agenda. Whatever it is people think our agenda is, other than being the first to report stories that effect the lives of our viewers.

Actually, the ethics of how we are going to cover a story comes up a lot. We really do try to be fair, and we really do try not to get sued. I came across an article today that I thought summed up the state of our newsroom pretty acurately.

But feel free to make up your own mind.

Email of the Day

hey i saw your pic. email me back, im live in memphis and can send you pics. would like to be your slave

From: luvolderwomen27@yahoo.com

I swear, you can't make this stuff up...

Check It Out

So it seems there is a Craigslist Memphis. I think it just went online. Craig actually emailed me about it. But it looks like no one uses it. So if you are in the Memphis area, I encourage you to make a link. It's free!

Next year we'll get Craigslist: The Movie.

You can also check out Craig's Blog.

Feckless Argument

So, I've come across a new deluge of anti-emo communities, postings and links. I thought that backlash happened 3 years ago, but apparently the inundation of recent label signings of bands like Yellowcard, Story of the Year and Switchfoot have old schoolers crying foul. The funny thing is, old school emo wasn't called emo, it was called Weezer - before they went all Sabbath of course. And don't email me to say it was actually Fugazi or Minor Threat that was the original emo, all true hipsters know that it was Kermit the Frog's "It's Not Easy Being Green."

The problem with the internet is it is the manifestation of deconstructionist theory where anything and everything can be torn down to it's atoms until it simply no longer posesses worth. Everybody wants to tell you all about what they don't like and why it's not cool. The silly thing is that the whole reason is just to make the detractor look witty and smart.

Which reminds me, this guy once told me that he liked me because I was smart and honest. My reply was, 'Fuck smart and honest, I want you to like me because I'm pretty and good in bed."

Here's a tip - smart girls wanna be told they're hot, hot girls wanna be told they're smart. So what do you do if she's neither? Uh, if she's not hot or smart, you probably need to do some rethinking on that relationship. What if she's both? Well, you hit the jackpot, so don't fuck it up.

Anyway, back to emo-bashing: Genre labeling ruins everything, so just listen to what you want to and shut the hell up about it already. You can like Dashboard Confessional and Pizzacato 5... I do.

Today Is My Birthday

It's raining.

Figures.

Too Funny!

My Personal Ad

You know how I'm always saying that there's no one out there for me to date? Well, I'm not gonna whine about it anymore. Instead I have decided to take matters into my own hands and take out a personal ad. If you think anyone might be interested, please feel free to forward it to them.

For the Fans

A few of the more opinionated readers of this blog didn't care for my 100 things list and sent me some not so flattering comments about the stupidity of those lists. I just wanted to say thanks for pointing that out to me but if you're looking for faux intellectualism about things that are important then you should be reading Wonkette.

You won't find anything on this blog except semi-literate opinions from a semi-informed person, so by default, a lot of it will be semi-stupid.

Carry on.

Quote of the Day

"If you don’t embarrass yourself every once in a while, then you’re not loose enough" Al Franken

I would really hate for the above quote to be misinterpreted.

What's More Weird?

The fact that John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos have decided to call it quits the same year the Olsen Twins turn 18 or the fact that their break-up is being reported in Pakistan??

Weekly Wrap Up

I've had a super busy week with my dad's birthday, last minute tax filing, bar hopping, a date, an insanely funny trip to the theater, afternoon naps, fabulous dinners and lots of new music purchases. I'm still tired, but overall, it was a great week.

This was my last weekend to spend in my twenties! My twenties are over! I can't believe it! Maybe I'm making it a bigger deal than it is, which is very likely, but I think this is the first birthday that has ever mattered to me. Sixteen didn't matter, I didn't get a car. Twenty-one didn't matter, I didn't like to drink.

I'm having a party for the first time since my 19th Birthday Party at Overton Park. This will be the first birthday I've celebrated without Kyra in 12 years. She was my best friend since high school and we've followed each other all over the country. I moved to Nashville after she did and then back to Memphis and then she followed me to NYC. Now, she's still there and I'm back here. It will be weird not sharing the day with her. I miss her. We got infinity tattoos together on our 18th birthdays. we always talked about how we would get married and live on the same street and our kids would grow up, fall in love and get married.

Our original plans right out of high school were to form a band and move to California. We knew that our first album would be called 421 (our birthday) and we even designed the album cover. We even wrote some songs, we just lost focus when it came down to learning to play the instruments. Can you still start a band in your thirties?

My New Theme Song

When I first heard the Jet song "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" in the Ipod commercial, I loved it. Then the song started getting overplayed and I kind of lost interest. Then the video came out and I listened more closely to the lyrics and decided it was about me (long brown hair, big black boots - yes, the world revolves around me) and I liked it again. Now, I've seen the video a hundred times and I'm over it again. Luckily for me, their new video Cold Hard Bitch came out this week and I am once again enamoured.

Yay for Jet!

100 Things

So, I haven't posted in a few days cause I've been working on this list. Even though some would say that blogging is vain, it was actually pretty tough to come up with 100 things to say about myself that were personal but not too personal, ya know...

1. I was born in Memphis
2. I've been accused of being crazy more than once, but I like to think I'm just misunderstood
3. My favorite tv show is VH1's Best Week Ever
4. My first dog was a Bichon Frise named Casper
5. I have one sibling, a brother named Clay
6. I am the first grandchild on my mother's side of the family and the second on my father's
7. The first record I ever owned was Kenny Roger's The Gambler
8. The next two records I bought were Thriller and Culture Club
9. My room was pink the entire time I lived with my parents
10. My Dad's nickname for me as a child was Buckwheat
11. I pulled my own braces off cause I was tired of wearing them
12. I collect Pfaltzgraff
13. I lived in Nashville for almost three years if you add the two different times I lived there
14. I have 8 piercings
15. I was married once

16. I have been working in television on and off since I was 14
17. I had my own talk show in high school called Memphis Medicine
18. My first crush was John Taylor from Duran Duran
19. My first kiss was when I was 14
20. My best friend in elementary school was Lori Brenner
21. My best friend in middle school was Elizabeth Hill
22. I ran for class president in high school and lost
23. I am a taurus
24. The first three tapes I bought were R.E.M, INXS, and Edie Brickell
25. The first CD I bought was Belly
26. I have been to 30 out of 50 states
27. I have been to 7 countries other than the US
28. If I have a son I will name him Henry
29. If I have a daughter I will name her Scarlett
30. When I was young I wanted to be a singer
31. Now that I'm grown up I want to be a singer
32. I played with Barbies
33. I have three MVP trophies for playing basketball
34. My favorite flowers are pink roses
35. I did a Channel 5 "If You ask Me" editorial when I was in high school
36. I have a Pomeranian named Barkley and a Miniature American Eskimo named Boo
37. Jumpertown, MS is named after my great great grandfather Carl Jumper
38. I am extremely good in bed.
39. I have never had a one night stand
40. The first person I slept with was Adam Houston
41. I have only been to two funerals
42. I won my 7th grade science fair and got honorable mention in 8th
43. I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer
44. I once owned an Amy Grant Album and I loved it
45. I think I have great feet
46. I'm a really bad driver
47. I like to take photographs of animals
48. I love The Lord of the Rings movies
49. I am a level 39 Wizard on Everquest
50. I like to play Magic Online
51. The best concert I ever attended was Bjork on Coney Island
52. The worst concert was Candlebox at the Mid-South Fair
53. I've read all the real V.C. Andrews novels, I was obsessed as a teenager
54. The one person I still hate from high school is Kim Garvin
55. I don't believe in god, but I believe in a thing called love
56. My favorite ice cream is Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk
57. I wish my teeth were whiter, but I'm too lazy to make it happen
58. I love Outback Cheese Fries - Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Cheesefries
59. I once didn't eat for a week just to see if I could do it
60. My favorite colors are periwinkle blue and burgandy
61. I love Indian food
62. I lived in NYC for 5 years
63. I miss it
64. I wear contacts
65. I wish I had the discipline to work out
66. I only have 24 teeth instead of 32
67. I had braces for 4 years
68. I've had a crush on a girl
69. I'm a night owl
70. I believe aliens exist, if for no other reason but to laugh at us
71. My hands are exactly average, not good, not bad, exactly average
72. I only like boys who are all wrong for me
73. I want to marry Ryan Adams and make babies
74. If I like a boy, I just ask them out, I ain't skerd
75. I have never smoked crack
76. I don't like being called the older woman
77. I can snap the fingers on my right hand only, and snap the toes on my left foot only.
78. I've seen Derrida lecture
79. I daydream too much
80. I'm a hopeless romantic that has a hard time falling in love
81. I've never had a bikini wax
82. I'm not a very hairy person and only shave once a week
83. My favorite drink is Kettle One & tonic
84. I smoke Marlboro Reds
85. I write poetry but never show anyone
86. I'm a good singer
87. I believe I can do anything I put my mind to, and so does my mommy
88. I am not vain, but I have learned to like myself over the years, it could be worse
89. My name was almost Emily
90. I used to give plasma a lot and then go buy 40's to drink on the corner with my friends
91. My first apartment was on Peabody and my portion of the rent was $125.
92. We got evicted
93. The most people I have lived with at once is 7
94. I had an online affair with Henry Rollins. We made plans to go on a date, but then I moved
95. I have 5 tattoos that I don't regret
96. My favorite book is The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
97. I have a hundred favorite albums
98. I love to kiss and be kissed - making out is the best!
99. This was harder than I expected
100. Someone once told me that I am so full of myself that I'd actually make a list of 100 things about me to put on the Internet thinking people would actually read it and I did.

I Love Jon Brion

Some people like certain music because there's just something about it that draws them in, with no rhyme or reason. Some people like certain music because they think that it's acceptable within their social circles to like it. I thought I belonged to the first group until further study. When people asked me what type of music I liked, I was never able to describe exactly what it was that I was drawn to until I realized one day by chance that Jon Brion had produced an enormous amount of music that I love. I had never paid attention to who produced an album until I realized from reading an interview when the film Magnolia came out about how Jon Brion produced the soundtrack, had worked a lot with Aimee Mann and produced Fiona Apple's first two albums. I looked up his discography and realized that he had produced a lot of my favorite albums.

Jellyfish: Spilt Milk 1993
Aimee Mann: Whatever 1993
Aimee Mann: I'm With Stupid 1995
Fiona Apple: Tidal 1996
Eels: Beautiful Freak 1996
Mary Lou Lord: Mind the Gap 1997
Rufus Wainwright: Rufus Wainwright 1998
Mary Lou Lord: Got No Shadow 1998
Elliott Smith: XO 1998
Eels: electro-shock blues 1998
Fiona Apple: When The Pawn ... 1999
Macy Gray: On How Life Is 1999
Aimee Mann: Bachelor No. 2 2000
Elliott Smith: Figure 8 2000
Nina Gordon: Tonight and the Rest of My Life 2000
Magnolia - Original Motion Picture Score 2000
Jon Brion: Meaningless 2001
Punch-Drunk Love 2002
Badly Drawn Boy: About a Boy 2002
Badly Drawn Boy: Have You Fed The Fish? 2002
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2004

Isn't that weird?

And now I am just waiting on Fiona's new album to come out!

He's the Sheriff

I went out with the "Sheriff" tonight. No, not the guy from my ride along, another guy that we'll just call the "Sheriff." I like him a lot, he's funny and smart and yada yada yada. Alas, he is a really really good guy and once he knows my hedonistic nature, I fear he may be spooked. He says he's never had a drink or a cigarette, he does lots of yoga and teaches karate, and he's home by 9:30 most nights. I think that's awesome and I really admire how disciplined he is, but I'm not the kind of gal that's gonna work out with him as a date or anything. Then again, he is really cute.

Breaking News

CNN declares Brooklyn's Williamsburg Comes of Age as it's on it's way out as the hipster's neighborhood of choice. People in media are always so on top of things ;) Faux-hawk artist boys wearing John Deere shirts, living in lofts via trust funds are about as cliche in Williamsburg as the guys with mohawks, plaid pants, leather jackets and Doc Martins beggin for money on the street corner in Alphabet City. Girls, on the other hand, are always cool, no matter what neighborhood they live in.

P.S. Planet Thailand has the best chicken and pineapple fried rice ever.

Tricks To Play On The Homeless

Stolen from Inspired by Truett

1. If you see two homeless people standing together, go up to one and give them a dollar. When the other one asks you for money, cuss them out for bothering you.

2. If you see one searching for a cigarette butt on the street to smoke, light up, take one drag then throw the rest down in a puddle.

3. Urine Jello Shooters.

4. Have them mow your lawn when they say "Will Work for Food", and then
give them Puppy Chow.

5. If a homeless person asks you for a dollar, ask for one from them, and don't relent until they give it to you. If they don't have any money curse at them while you shove your hand down the front of your pants.

Not For The Faint At Heart

If you get offended easily, don't read any further.

I find this hilarious, but you might not...

A Positively Craiggian Tale

I love Craigslist! Please come to Memphis!

iT dOESN'T gET aNY dUMBER

I enjoyed the Easter holiday with my family this evening. Unluckily for me, my family really has nothing to say to each other, so we all collapsed onto the couch and began watching The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour. I litterally could feel my IQ dropping, so I had to leave. It may take me a few days to recover.

Art For Art's Sake

Patrik put up a page in honor of all the cool artwork you find just walking around the street's of Memphis. You can check it out here.

Don't forget to tag him if you visit!

Music Meme

Take one down, pass it around...

Reminds you of your youth...
I'm not aware of too many things, I know what I know, if you know what I mean

Gives you the chills...
Bjork - Joga:

Emotional landscapes,
They puzzle me - confuse,
Then the riddle gets solved,
And you push me up to this

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
Is where I want to be.

Makes you want to bang your head...
Lately, Courtney Love's Mono from Amercia's Sweetheart

Oh god you owe me one more song
So I can prove to you that
I'm so much better than him
Oh god just gonna listen fast
Here comes the crash
We're gonna rise above
We're gotta smash it up
You won't abandon us again

You wish you knew the lyrics to...
I know everything

Makes you so upset you turn it off...
The Cure's "A Letter To Elise" from Wish

remember how it used to be
when the sun would fill up the sky
remember how we used to feel
those days would never end
those days would never end

remember how it used to be
when the stars would fill the sky
remember how we used to dream
those nights would never end
those nights would never end

Was/is 'your song' with someone else...
Ryan Adam's "Wish You Were Here" from Rock n Roll

Cotton candy and a rotten mouth
You know you're so fucked up
You know I couldn't help but have it for you

And everybody knows the way I walk
And knows the way I talk
And knows the way I feel about you
It's all a bunch of shit
And there's nothing to do around here
It's totally fucked up
I'm totally fucked up
Wish you were here

Makes you want to dance...
Anything by Prince

Helps you heal after a breakup...
Leona Naess' He Is Gone

He has gone
Like meaning from a song
He is gone
Like a vampire in the sun
Apologies, but no thank yous please
He is gone
Like a bullet from a gun
So my wheels are turning
And this heart is yearning

Daddy give me one more chance
At least another dance
Across the floor
Spin me round
Throw me up
And push me down
Throw me back
But pull me up close to your heart

Your parents made you listen to...
Bonnie Raitt

Ignites a specific memory...
R.E.M's "Automatic for the People" and driving to Nashville
Fugazi's 13 Songs and Brandon
RHCP's Blood Sugar Sex Magic and Brandon
The Cure's Wish and Brandon
Anything by the Beastie's remind me of Ryan
Tori reminds me of Kyra

You've dedicated to someone...
Like on the radio? Nope

You identify with...
Anything by Tori Amos

Yo, Yo, Yo!

Happy Easter, Ya'll.

I'm headed out for the evening...latah!

Ew, Ew! Pick Me! Pick Me!

Director John Woo has optioned Nintendo's best-selling video game franchise "Metroid" for the big screen. I remember playing this game for hours when I was a kid. I could beat it and my brother couldn't, so I endlessly taunted him about it. So, now all they have to do is find an actress to play the game's female protagonist, sexy bounty hunter Samus Aran. I don't have a preference really, just don't let if be Jennifer Garner.

Too Funny!

Those Crazy Dutch

I wanna give props to whoever told me about this this week, but I simply just can't remember. I do remember that I didn't believe them at the time. Do you blame me?

Eyeball jewelry a new Dutch fashion trend

Another Reason To Be Excited

The Cure will be appearing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on April 30th. What will they be playing? How about their brand new single.

They will also be releasing remastered versions of their studio albums, starting with Three Imaginary Boys, Seventeen Seconds, Faith and Pornography. Each will be a 2-cd set, with the 2nd disc containing demos, remixes, and unrealesed material. The first 4 are currently scheduled for release in the US on April 13th, 2004.

No confirmed tour dates in the US other than Coachella, but I'm a very patient girl.

The Reason

Ok, I admit it, I'm hooked on the new Hoobastank song The Reason. It's extremely embaressing because this is not the type of music I usually listen to at all. And I can't even say the name of their band out loud, it hurts my feelings. But you know what? I will stand up and say this is the song every girl wishes a boy would sing to her. I could listen to this song over and over again. At Side Street last night it came on and the whole place got quiet. I looked around the room and saw a little sparkle in the eye's of the girl's listening intently to the lyrics. I even noticed three guys were either singing along or mouthing the words. So maybe this is the song that every girl wants someone to sing to her and it's a song that every guy wants to find someone worth singing it to.

It Rubs The Lotion On Itself

Yesterday was incredibly long. I came in early to work to put together a package for the six before leaving early to go on a ride-along with a SCS Deputy. When I first got into the car with him I thought it was gonna be a long night. He wasn't very friendly and the fact that he had the radio tuned to the Christian station wasn't giving me any resolve. Anyway, after a little bit of chatting him up, he relaxed and we ended up having a great time. Not a lot happened in our district last night, there was a saturation, one pretty bad car accident and some officers going undercover to catch some dealers, but no real action. We met up with the other patrolmen in the area several times and they all seemed like pretty nice guys, even if they were a bunch of good-ole-boys.

After our shift ended, I went to Side Street to watch the Grizz get hammered by the Lakers with some friends. It wasn't a fun game, we really got robbed, and I don't usually get into belly aching about bad calls. Anyway, Jeremy and I were almost more fascinated with the person sitting at the table next to us. I guess this person had had quite a bit to drink because he or she was gnawing on the straw coming from his or her martini in between adding salt to it. Uh, WTF?

Sick & Twisted

If you have the stomach for it, you should read Jessica Delfino's Blog. She is a friend of mine from NYC. I casted her on a show I worked on about the best haircuts in New York. The program never aired but we stayed in touch while for over a year I kept promising that it would eventually air and when it did I would get her a copy. She couldn't ever get too pissed though, she did get a wicked free hair cut. Of course, it was also at Astor Place, so maybe she can hold it against me. Anyway, I feel bad that I let her down, plus she's really funny in a very sick and twisted sort of way and I think that she's gonna be really super famous one day and then she is never gonna talk to me again.

Sometimes I'm Just Not In The Mood

I went out with Josh tonight, but I don't think that I was very much fun. Or maybe he just wasn't very much fun. Maybe it was our collective un-funess. I had a really long day after working from 8 until 5:30 and then attending the Sheriff's Citizen's Academy from 6 until 9. All the fun outings have been happening on Thursday nights since the weather has gotten warmer and I've been missing out on it all since I started going to the training academy back in the beginning of March. I am the darling of the academy though, it's me and about 10 men in their fifties all looking for young girls to hit on. So why are they hitting on me, you ask? Because I am still young for 13 more days, baby!

I'm Not A Hater

But I thought the 50 MOST LOATHSOME NEW YORKERS from the New York Press was really hilarious. I am inspired to do a 50 MOST HATED MEMPHIANS, alas, my name is on this blog, and I don't have the guts. If you decide to do it, send me a link. But not if I'm on it, I'm really sensitive.

Anyway, here are my favorites:

48
50 Cent
Rapper

WHAT UP, GANGSTA? Look at you, up from the underground with mix tapes and DVDs in hand, riding the coattails of Jam Master Jay's murder into the TRL ether. We probably could have handled the Teen People cover, but the Teen People centerfold was off the cliff: You posed in a bulletproof vest for a glossy magazine aimed at 12-year-old girls. Did you know that the press release for your Grammy performance had you next to Celine Dion and Richard Marx? Time to go get fitted for a pair of MC Hammer pants and bring your act to Foxwoods.

47
Drew Barrymore & Fabrizio Moretti
Celebrities

CUPID SHOULD BE flambéed for piercing this female-condom poster ho and her pubic-haired li'l drummer boy. This is the kind of celebrity couple one dreams of razoring into bite-sized nibbles and feeding to baby pigs. If they're not strolling through Soho, stopping every 10 feet to tongue wrassle, they're sticking their hands in one another's ass pockets, making Fab's 15 minutes extra super special. We acted like this, too—in junior high.

.

26
The Hilton Sisters
Socialites

IT IS SAID that in pre-revolution France, aristocrats would dress up as peasants and roam the countryside. A few years later, their heads sat atop spikes. Let this be a little cautionary tale for the Hilton girls. Just because you've gone to Arkansas and fisted a cow doesn't mean you're anything but the same dirty debutantes with bony behinds. If you're smart—and based on those empty, coke-burned stares, you're not—you'll just drug yourselves into plush oblivion and leave the world's celebrity porn sites alone, lest the wrong psycho take a fascination to you.

13
Sarah Jessica Parker
Actress

WHEN GIRLS THINK another girl is beautiful, but guys know she isn't, call it the Sarah Jessica Parker syndrome. Parker is a dual monument to millennial American female vanity and inanity. Spoiled and groomed to the point of psychosis, Sarah Jessica Parker is the final dead-end in the American feminine odyssey. She dresses like a drag queen, a slave and sometimes a clown. Her hair is bleached and processed literally to the breaking point: A hairdresser revealed that all of Parker's hair once broke off beneath her ears. The actress speaks like an 11-year-old girl and has less to say; lacking utterly in charm, she compensates with screamy clothes and pointy shoes. Now that she is at long last gone, we're hoping new icons will spring up to replace her, and we're hoping they'll be wearing no-name jeans, going light on the eyeliner and reading a newspaper every once in a while.

1
Rudy Giuliani
Businessman

FOR RUNNING AROUND the streets of Lower Manhattan without visibly crapping himself, Giuliani was elevated from the world's most hypocritical goon to He-Man, Master of the Universe. Forget his violating federal handicap laws, his wars on rent control and community gardens, his refusal to test DNA rape kits until the five-year statute of limitations was up, or his corporate real estate giveaways—Rudy is now considered a Great and Heroic American Mayor. After office, Rudy wasted no time cashing in on his immaculately conceived new stature, riding into a post-mayoral sunset of private sector millions, five-figure lectures and flattering rumors about his political future in the GOP. It was toward this last end that Rudy came out in defense of Bush's Ground Zero campaign ads last month. And why not? He's co-chair of the Republican National Convention host committee, and the tragedy saved his sinking ass too.

The Meme List

Name five people you would drop everything and run away with:

1. Ryan Adams
2. Damon Gough
3. Adam Horovitz
4. Stephen Malkmus
5. Jeff Tweedy

Meme (pron. meem): A contagious information pattern that replicates by parasitically infecting human minds and altering their behavior, causing them to propagate the pattern. (Term coined by Dawkins, by analogy with "gene".) Individual slogans, catch-phrases, melodies, icons, inventions, and fashions are typical memes. An idea or information pattern is not a meme until it causes someone to replicate it, to repeat it to someone else. All transmitted knowledge is memetic.

Dial 1-900-Hooker

So, the pictures we took last week at Puck's were a little more revealing than I thought they would be at the time. They look like they belong on an amateur porn site. I didn't get naked, I just didn't realize how low cut my shirt was. Good thing all the men in the room were my fairie friends. Here's a Disneyfied version for ya.

The funny thing is: the people who know me and read this blog will get that this is all tongue-in-cheek, the people who don't will think it's tongue-in-&*#@^!(SHUT YO MOUTH!)

New Skool vs. old Skool

I can't believe that I'm gonna have to listen to this all summer. I know Andre thinks he's the new Prince and all, but - NEWSFLASH - Prince is the new Prince.

Rehab is for Quitters

Jeff Tweedy is in rehab... now the new album's release date is being pushed back 2 weeks. And who knows if he'll make it to Bonnaroo. I mean, I want him to get help and all, but what about me? Did he ever think about how his little "problem" might effect me?

Twelve Steps

"If you got the money for a rehab cure
You ain't got a problem you can't afford
I was very nearly clean y'know
Cos I only had twelve steps to go
The only time I'm drink and drug free
Is when I get my drugs and drink for free
That's for me

If your willpower's weak, temptation's strong
Lord knows how you're gonna get along
And I don't think I'm gonna find Jesus Christ
So I'd rather spend my cash on vice
28 days for 13 grand
Better go get myself an insurance plan
Cos she's my man

Do some knitting, get some rest
Group therapy gets me depressed
You might get banned if you relapse
They'll take you back when you got the cash
Just as likely find inner peace
By buying the stuff from off the street"

Spiritualized

A Plethora of Goodness

A Special Sense Of Humor

Some Moms Have All The Luck

Slash Swears It's Really Him

A Story Of True Love

Bill Would Tax Drug Deals

Jamie Oliver Cooks Up Nut Roast

I don't get Sponge Bob Squarepants

Crackpot Site Of The Day

The End Is Near

You know, when a student gets expelled from school for writing a story and a teacher loses her job for having her students read a story that is not on the "preferred reading list," you know armageddon is not far off.

And when the beloved Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket, is barred from entering a classroom because he might say something controversial, well, where do we go from here?

R.I.P.

Just in time for the 10th anniversary of the death of Kurt Cobain, a new book once again accuses Courtney Love of being involved in his death. It's hard for me to believe that it's been 10 years since he died. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard the news. 27 seemed so old at the time, now that's my brother's age and I think he is young.

I was never a hard core fan, but he did have a couple of songs that I really liked a lot. My favorite was "All Apologies" from the MTV Unplugged in New York album. At the end of the song he sings:

All in all is all we are

But, I was convinced forever that he was singing:

All alone is all we are

And that was my favorite part of the song.

You have to admit that the whole genre of music that he was involved in shaped pop culture in so many ways that no one that was tuned in could have not been effected. I just hope I never have to wear a flannel shirt again

Rumor of the Moment

Word on the street is the Beastie Boys will be releasing a new album in June and it will be full of phat beats and lots of swearing. Yay. They haven't been very much fun since they found Buddah.

You can't argue with crazy

I just got home from solving all the world's problems at The Red Bar with Brad and Nathan. You'll be happy to know we took care of everything and it should all be ironed out within the next day or so. It was nice to have a calm, relaxing conversation over drinks after the drama that was yesterday and last night. I won't go into the details, but I've told Jeremy over and over that around my birthday every year the shit hits the fan. I don't have any idea why that is, but every year, right around this time, everything falls apart for me. It makes me want to believe in Astrology. Except that it was dead wrong yesterday. Brad mentioned tonight that there was a full moon last night and that's supposedly when everyone starts acting crazy. Our motto for the evening was:

When you see crazy coming, cross the street.

Unfortnately, when I see it coming I tend to want to walk right up and introduce myself.

Get Involved

Go here and sign the petition to ask Donald Trump to shave off the rat's nest he calls his hair.

Psyched

I am so excited! I saw the trailer on television today for Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. The release date isn't until December 17th though.

This is the film based on my favorite children's books, I've read ten books so far in the series. My friend Shultzie introduced me to Lemony Snicket last summer. I knew that the rights to the books had been purchased for a film but I had no idea it would happen so quickly. Jim Carrey plays Count Olaf and from the trailer it looks like he is going to be fantastic. I just wonder if their gonna do one book at a time or try to encapsulate the entire series into one film.

Kids Today...

I watched the Nickolodeon Kid's Choice Awards this afternoon. It was an incredibly enlightening experience. It made me realize that I can never have children. Ever. I refuse to bring up a britney loving, mall walking, n'sync listening, high heels and make-up at 10 wearing daughter, and because that is what I don't want, I know that's exactly what I will get.

Anyway, back to the awards show. The show opens with Outkast's Andre 3000 singing "Hey Ya." Has anyone else ever listened to the lyrics to this song? It's about a guy who wants to just have sex without a relationship.

Don't want to meet your daddy (Oh oh!)
Just want you in my Caddy (Oh oh! Oh oh!)
Don't want to meet your momma (Oh oh!)
Just want to make you come-a (Oh oh!)

Now, I'm no prude, but is this really the song you want to hear your 10 year old singing? Later in the show, Big Boi did his song "The Way You Move," which I personally love, but once again, the content of the song is not really fodder for children. Maybe they don't understand what he means when he raps:

Skinny, slim women got the ghetto within them
You can fuck them, lift them, bend them, give them something to remember

And what's up with all the celebrities that come on this show and don't wear a bra? It must have been really cold in the theater because I thought J. Lo's nipples might poke somebody's eye out.

This Day In History

Do you know where you were eleven years ago today? I do. I was here. That was a great trip. Ah, memories. That's all we really have you know. Until you get alzheimers.

Booty Call

I finally heard from Josh last night. He was MIA for a while. I hate losing touch with people. It's agitating because men and women have very different outlooks on the amount of time two people should spend together to maintain a relationship, and I'm not even talking about Josh, I know what his deal is and was and I'm totally cool with it. It just makes me think about all the other guys I know that want to just see you when they see you. I think that you should make time to hang out with the people that you care about. Doug, for instance, I haven't seen that kid in months, I've talked to him on the phone, but he's always too busy to hang out. Now, I know that in the past couple of months he has had a least one night that we could have gotten together, it's just not that important to him. And then theres Chris, I haven't talked to that guy in at least two months, but I think he made a "booty call" to me last night since he called me at 3:47 AM this morning. Contrary to the rumor Truett started, I am not a "booty call" type of girl.

Moments of Clarity

Wine is not my friend. I had two glasses last night and woke up with a pounding headache this morning.

I went to Sara Beth's Birthday shindig last night, she has a beautiful house on Avalon. I want a beautiful house on Avalon. Patrik and I used to live together on Avalon. Speaking of Patrik, after I made an appearance at Sara Beth's, I stopped by the Royal Arms block party to hang with him. They grilled out and a strapping young gentleman made me an awesome burger. He really knew how to handle his meat.

After we ate we went ustairs to Puck's where Patrik put an S&M collar with these huge spikes on me and proceeded to take some pics. I will post one when he sends them to me. It was hot. His crew decided to go to some new club/bar called XYZ, so I bid them au revoir and headed to Le Chardonnay to meet up with Jeremy, Dawn, Anna Marie, Daniel and Jeff.

When I was looking at the wine list, in my head I thought, "wow, they sure do have a lot of Chardonnays on this, where are all the Pinot Grigios?" Doh.

Reminds me of the the first time I was going into the subway at Grand Central Station. It was super crowded, and in my head I thought, "damn, this place is like Grand Central Station."

Pop Culture Dictionary

Blog: Online web journal created by people who have no shame at all.

Isn't that definition deck?

shame ( P ) (shm) n.

A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

Classic

So, today in Walls, Mississip, the Mayor was supposed to hang a plaque with the 10 Commandments on it. It was to be the most controversial thing to happen in Walls, ever. Of course, in order for the controversy to happen, someone would have had to remember to bring the plaque.

Read about it here.

Rant

I don't usually do rants on my blog, they're just too easy and that's what everybody else does. It's like the lowest common denominator, you know. I hate this and I hate that, well, I hate reading bloggers that only post about stuff they can't stand. Rant, rant, rant, it's so perpetually boring.

With that being said, since I don't do this often, I know you'll forgive me:

You know what I really hate? Bloggers that talk about their computers in their posts, like the new code they've written or the new hack they figured out, or anything that has to do with the mechanisms behind their computer. Those people scare me. I know why they can't get a date, but why can't I?

Don't get me wrong, I get asked out my fair share. I go out a lot, I meet a lot of people. No one ever measures up. Is it too much to ask to expect to meet someone who is well-read, funny, interesting, outgoing, financially stable, and attractive with at least an inkling of style? Am I aiming too high?

How did a post about bloggers that like to write about their hardware turn into a post about dating? I guess you know where my head is tonight.

New Web Poll

I posted a new web poll. Please vote as to who leaves the best comments on this blog, I know who my choice is...

Old Skool

Look what I found! Here's a very old picture of Patrik and me from back in the day! Cute, huh? This was from the time when we used to go out and party all night. We never do that anymore. Anyway, If I remember correctly, this is from a warehouse party on New Year's Eve 1992. All those parties start to run together over the years, but I think that's right. I miss those days sometimes, it's hard being old and responsible.

Here's to the good ole days...

It's fun to relive your childhood

Tickets to be bought Saturday:

Beale Street Music Fest - April 30 - May 2nd

Prince - Musicology Tour - June 12th

Madonna - Reinvention Tour - July 17th

I plan on being broke for a while too.

Arkansas Rocks

I went to Arkansas today to cover a murder and a rape. Wow, how much fun can you have in one day? I won't go into the gory details of the stories I covered, you can check them out on the news, but I will tell you the highlights of my trip to my favorite neighbor to the west:

1. The first two people we asked to interview in Earle refused to speak to us because they "didn't have their teeth in." That's a direct quote.

2. BO was a hit with the ladies at the yard sale we filmed.

"why ain't you on tv, you ain't that bad lookin."

3. Bo continuously pointed out the dirt crops growing all over Arkansas.

4. Best Sign: Penitentiary Nearby: Beware of Hitchhikers