How to derail a conversation without anyone noticing
Somebody’s in a debate about school funding. The numbers are clear, the arguments are laid out, and then somebody on the other side says – “you know what the real problem is? Broken families. Until we fix the family structure in this country, throwing money at schools won’t solve anything.”
They just got red herringed.
A red herring is when somebody introduces a completely different topic to distract from the argument at hand. They’re not refuting the point. They’re not even addressing it. They’re changing the subject to something easier to argue about or something that triggers a bigger emotional response.
The term comes from the practice of using smoked herring to train hunting dogs. The strong smell would distract the dogs from the scent they were supposed to be following. Same principle – throw something pungent into the conversation and watch everyone chase it instead of staying on track.
Politicians are absolute masters of this.
Asked about healthcare costs – “what we really need to talk about is border security.” Asked about climate policy – “let’s not forget that China is the real polluter here.” Asked about a specific scandal – “the American people are tired of Washington games and want to talk about their kitchen table issues.”
None of those responses address the question.
But they all redirect the conversation to something the person would rather discuss, or something that plays better to their base. The interview rolls on. The original question never gets answered. And most of the time nobody goes back and asks again.
The red herring works because the new topic is often genuinely important.
Border security is a real issue. Emissions from any big polluter are a real concern. Kitchen table economics matter. The problem isn’t that these topics don’t deserve discussion. The problem is that they’re being deployed specifically to avoid the topic on the table. Urgent elsewhere gets weaponized to avoid urgent here.
This also happens in personal arguments all the time.
“We need to talk about how you handled that situation.” “Oh, so you want to talk about my behavior? Let’s talk about what you did last month.” The subject just changed. Whatever was being discussed before is now buried under a new argument, and the new argument is almost always one where the person who changed the subject feels stronger.
The tell is the pivot.
Pay attention to when conversations suddenly shift subjects, especially when somebody is being pressed on a specific point. If the response doesn’t address what was asked, it’s a red herring. Doesn’t matter how eloquent the new topic sounds. If the question was A and the answer was B, the answer didn’t happen.
When you spot one, the move is to refuse the redirect.
“That’s worth discussing, but right now I want to stay on the original question. Can we come back to that after we’ve addressed this?” Most people will reluctantly circle back if you hold the line. The ones who won’t are telling you something about how they argue, which is also useful information.
And check yourself here too.
When you’re losing an argument, the temptation to change the subject is overwhelming. The question that keeps you honest – are you introducing this new topic because it’s actually relevant, or because you’d rather not deal with what’s in front of you? If it’s the second one, you’re the magician now. Put the scarf down.